Pretenders

I feel like I've lost my essence. Like a part of me is now missing because I've been hiding it for so long. Behind smiles and laughter all the pain shoved into the back of my mind. All the while it's been there, growing and growing becoming stronger and stronger. I don't believe it ever goes away. But after pretending to be someone your not for so long you eventually become that person. They manifest themselves in you and it's hard to go back. I wish I could go back to when I was younger. Innocent, unknowing, happy. Back then I had yet to experience evil, jealousy, and malice. Those were words I couldn't even spell! Things have just changed. The way I think, the people I surround myself with, how I feel. Right now happiness is one word I can't spell. For now i'll just spell it, h-e-l-p.