It's only the beginning

Life is full of what ifs and whys and there's never any answers. No teacher telling you it's wrong or no clock to turn back time to take back what you did. All thats left are the regrets of what could've been. For me life's just getting started and I'm already sick of it. The pressure of school, to be good, to be perfect all the time. When the truth is all I wanna do is  give up. To stop worrying so much about school and be able to do whatever I want when the time calls and not to be judged by any action I take. I'm different than everyone else. I know it. When I'm around people i know i feel uncomfortable. Like I don't belong in my own skin, like everything I do is in some way wrong. I hate that feeling, and for it to be only the beginning is scary. When I become a lesser version of myself to fit in and be normal like everyone else it's hard. I just want to be me without any awkward stares or harmful looks. Just to be free to do anything to make myself happy. I feel like I'm not allowed to be myself and if I show myself to the world, it will reject me, and the thought of being shunned with no one but myself. That's what's the scariest of all.