The Reckoning

Some people are born believers and others are made. I'm a believer. I believe in love and life and hope. Lately I've been thinking a lot about what my life would be like if I had made other choices, if I was someone else; who would I become? We all have our moments when we wish we could be someone else. Moments when we wish our lives had turned out differently. I used to wish desperately for the removal of the weight and the pain of life; for it to all just disappear. I would wish that I didn't have insecurities, that people never left, that loved ones never died, and that I didn't feel like everyone's lives depended on me. Things for me are different; I'm different. I've been told before, that I"m not "normal," and they're right; I'm not. I view the world differently than everyone else. You see things, I see through them. You hear things, I understand them. You feel some, I feel all. I feel every little thing. The loneliness of the girl in the library, the anger of a scorned lover, the instant death of a tree when it's cut down. the heat of a fire that burns in the distance. People don't understand, and you probably don't either. I feel so much that sometimes it's unbearable. I would wish that I couldn't feel; that this emptiness I have in my heart would fill up and I'd be numb to the world's feelings. Now, I wouldn't wish that away for the world. It makes me who I am. It has allowed me to help those that have needed me. There's a stillness that the pain gives me. I stand outside. The warm sun lights penetrates the woods, shooting rays through every cloud. The air blows softly across the sky; bringing with it the scent of spring. The green grass sways along with it; dancing like laughter across the floor. The flowers blossom and welcome the day with their sweet embrace. It's like coming home. Everything is quiet, still. The electricity of spring moves through the roots of the trees and enters my body. I can feel it. I can feel everything and it awakens me. This is my reckoning. I can't change who I am, nor do I want to. Originality is never a sin, but wishing it away would be.