LIghtbulbs and Safety Blankets

I feel like I do this to myself on purpose. Do I convince myself I like you in order to back up my theory that no one will ever like me because I know you never will? Is this sadistic game that I am playing with myself going to go on forever? I just feel really empty. There's a vacancy in my chest and nothing seems to be able to fill it; not family nor friends. Something about you makes me feel complete just for that one moment, and then that feeling is gone. Its like that feeling you get at night. It's dark and cold and your lying there vulnerable and just tired. Every once in a while you wake up and turn over, but then you open your eyes for that one moment and you're scared. Scared that something is there in that vast darkness you call your room. You pull the covers closer to yourself and squeeze your eyes tightly shut and pray nothing will happen to you, and when nothing does you fall back asleep. That's what being friends with you feels like. I'm scared of a lot of things and I'm scared of making mistakes; you're my blanket. You're that false hope yet small comfort of being close to someone that I know could protect me for just that little while. In the end I eventually have to shut my eyes tight and pray that it'll all be over soon, and I can rest my eyes and dream away. I have to stop believing that it's you that I need. A blanket is for snowy nights and cold temperatures. I need someone that can turn on the light any night and show me that there's nothing to be afraid of. Unless you could be that guy don't bother, I shouldn't. I just wish that light would shine a little brighter so I could find him. Until then I'm left struggling in the dark with no lightbulbs and you as my "safety" blanket.