Just Keep Your Head Above

I'm drowning. On the good days it seems I'm able to keep my head above water and out tread any contender, even the best of swimmers, but on the bad days it gets harder and harder to tread. Memories from the younger years are hitting me like bullets as the wall I built in my brain begins to collapse. I have no idea what I'm doing. Everyday I begin to fell more and more lost and I don't know how to find myself again. I feel like I need to get away for awhile. I need there to be new people, or old friends. I need a change in scenery and in heart. I have to stop having feelings for you! Especially since you may now have feelings for one of my best friends. The worst part is that I'm letting you. It's like I gave you my heart and said here, take this and feel free to play with it, torture it, break it, anything you want with it, but I still want to be friends no matter what! I'm so stupid! Maybe what I do need is for me to leave you and for me to find my own inner peace. I might just take off on a plane and not come back for awhile. You're breaking me down piece by piece and I can't for the life of me figure out how to keep myself together. I'm drowning; and you could either save me or drown with me.