Please explain to me why I can't sleep

Tomorrow is probably the most important day of my life. It will all be up or downhill from there. It's funny how one word can really change you. Yes, or no. If it's a no, I don't know how I could bare it. I want to be strong and accept it and not cry. But how. I don't know if I could control myself. If yes, then I will be the happiest girl in the world. No, happier than her. I would probably have a hard time controlling myself yet again from crying. I wish that once I get the news everyone would leave me alone to cry on my own. The worst part is how understanding everyone will be. If I don't cry from the impact of the news than the car ride home will kill me. When parents talk in that tone it's like shooting cannons at your stone wall. You try to keep up the barrier and keep them out, not let them affect you. But you can't help it. Their words shatter your cold body into a thousand and one pieces. I'm scared. I feel like the no is coming. I don't want it to. I don't want to think negatively about something I want so badly. If I do it won't happen. I just don't know what to do anymore. Just one word and my life is over as I know it.