I have no clever title for this one.

I am so confused and mad and upset and hurt and alone that my head actually hurts to a point where I can't function. I want to go to parties bad when I'm home. When I'm at a party I can only have fun when I drink and when I can't why bother cause them I can feel how lonely I am. Will things never change for me? Am I destined to live this horrible life? Like a rock stuck at the side of the stream? I can't get passed this ONE obstacle. Granted it is a large one..literally... but shouldn't I be able to get over it? Fuck my life. Fuck it all. I don't know what to I just wanna cry. I want someone to take me out of my misery but no one's here. It's just me.